Texas Garage Sales Suck?

Let me start by saying..... and what? Who sells beds? I sell beds, bitch. Ok, even though I didn't "sell" the bed, several mexicans said they would go to the ATM to get the $$$ for it. I'm thinkin' I need to petition the city to allow businesses to have ATMs closer to the house because none of them were able to make it back. Too many garage sales now-a-days fail because of this. If mexicans didn't have to travel across the state to find a working ATM, our economy might be ok! Just ask Arizona. I'm pretty sure that is what they are getting at. This bed does smell like piss, btw. WTF ever. Like YOU didn't piss the bed when you were little. Shit. I STILL do. Only I piss the bed like a man... standing up!
Ok, but even though I sat with my nephew out in the sun all day, my lady-friend came to me and made me this prize. Yup. tonight I drinks the vodka-cran, ya'll. W/e. You can call me gay. I won't mind. BECAUSE I'LL BE HAMMERED DRUNK ON VOD-CRANS! (insert 'woop' sound here). Do the kids still actually do the "whoop" thing? I know I do. Usually after a good duece... Whoop there it is.
This is a pic of a lady WAY taken aback by Jimmy Buffett. I gues she is a "Parrot head". This is a term for redneck pothead white ladies that dream of boning some big 6'+ Jamaican guy named Dexter St Claire, in all actuallity. Anyway, she smoked me up and let me get drunk on top of their RV until I fell off. No really. I fell off the top of the RV and landed on my back. If I hadn't been so limber (aka: drunk) I would have broke something like my baby maker. No worries, only the tardo swimmers were injured. Those are the ones I put in the shower drain anyway.

I'll give you more good stuf tomorrow. This is Al Roker saying good night and I eat because I'm sad and I'm sad because I eat.